I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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