While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
