We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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