Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
her facebook's as public as her vagina
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
