Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
