I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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