She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
