Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
