He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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