As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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