dude i'm inner monologue high
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
