I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
