some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
