i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
