omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
