Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
