It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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