I just gift wrapped bread.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
