why didn't you poke me back
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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