Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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