what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
