She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Acid is not a monday night drug
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
