you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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