the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
