you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i think im in europe. pls send help
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
