Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
