how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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