Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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