Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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