I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
