Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
