It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
