I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
