we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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