apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
