Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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