I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
