That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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