Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
