I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
