He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
