Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize