so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
