i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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