Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
