No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
