You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
