SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
