I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
