I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
