very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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