I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
