Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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