someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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