In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
