btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
did you just send me my own nude
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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