Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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