Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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