Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
