ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
