I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
