Just fell off a train. Bad.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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