wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
