Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
