She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
