I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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