I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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