Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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