Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
