WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i've created a new STD.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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