I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize