A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
nutella sex= disaster
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
