We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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