Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
