oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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